Don't you know how babies are made?

Though I can't really know what it's like to be Angelina Jolie or the "Octomom", I get a sense of what they must feel like everytime I go out in public with all three of my children, now aged 3, 2, and 9 months. People stare as if I'm carrying a baby rhinoceros--or, perhaps, as if I were a horned animal or something.

I guess it must be an interesting sight--baby in a sling and two toddlers running this way and that while I scramble to keep them from breaking things or running over old ladies as I balance a newly-agile princess grabbing at every hanging item in the store, museum, or restaurant we're in.

"You sure got your hands full..." Oh, if I had a quarter for the number of times I've heard that one, I could retire right now and still be able to pay for all three kids to go to college without taking out a loan. But they are right...having three kids three and under is a hand full!

For the most part, people are well-intentioned with their comments--at least I'm presuming as much. However, even the most well-intentioned friend or acquaintance may not realize that certain comments are received as rude and crass and annoying.

One question my husband and I always get is: "So, are you planning on having anymore children?" (This is not usually one of the annoying questions, unless it's asked in a snarky, bitter way.) More often than not we reply something to this effect, "Well, we're not sure. I guess we'll see what God has in store for us. You know, we didn't plan on having each of our other kids when we did, so who knows?"

To which the well-intentioned friend or acquaintance (so we presume) usually says, "Well, don't you know how babies are made?" Har, har, har...

The implication, as I take it, is that because my husband and I are open to the possibility of getting pregnant naturally--without timing it or planning it using drugs or other means, we are being irresponsible. If we knew better, we would use some sort of preventative measures (READ: contraception) to avoid getting pregnant and/or scheduling how and when to grow our family. But, since we don't, we obviously are just irresponsible people. Tsk, tsk...

My reaction? (Usually thought, not spoken...) Well, of course I know how babies are made; I've had three of them in three years...gosh! And who do you think you are anyway?

Have I been surprised at how quickly and close together my children have come? Yes! Am I ashamed at how my family has grown? Absolutely NOT!

I feel so blessed by God to have had three wonderful, safe pregnancies, safe childbirth, and now three beautiful, smart, and perfect children. I am so thankful for them--and I absolutely adore each of them!

So why the defensiveness at people's questions? Why the frustration? People are just curious...right? Perhaps so.

But I wonder, would the people who question my family-planning choices say the same things to a woman who had gotten pregnant out-of-wedlock and was considering abortion? Would they say jokingly, pointedly to her, "Well, don't you know how babies are made?" Would they question her responsibility, her integrity, her character? My guess is, NO.

And I guess that's where a lot of my frustration come from. Why is it okay to harass or judge a healthy and loving married couple's choice to procreate, but not DARE question or judge a woman's desire or intent to kill her child "because it doesn't fit her life plan"?

Why is it okay for women all over the country to shack up with whomever they wish, get pregnant, and then kill the baby because it's inconvenient to raise a child? I mean, don't they know how babies are made?

Well, some might say, "What if a woman uses contraception and it fails?" Then is a woman responsible? YES!

Why? Because she made the choice to have sex. In case some were wondering, that's the answer to this $50K question. Babies are made when men and women have sex. It's biological, it's natural, dare I say it's part of God's plan, even.

If you are going to make the choice to have sex, you need to accept the responsibility and the consequences of having sex--you might get pregnant. Which means you (if you are blessed to go all the way) will have a child, you will be a mom and your whole life will change.

If you do not want that as a possibility, then DON'T HAVE SEX!

Oh...but I'm sure I've just gotten myself in trouble. How dare I question a woman's right to her body, to do with it what she wants, whenever she wants? Don't I believe in personal rights?

Of course I do. But when a woman gets pregnant, it's no longer just about the woman; there's a new person who rights I'm concerned about--that new baby's. And excuse me for being so rude, but I tend to side with those who are most in need of help, with those who most need an advocate because they aren't able to care for themselves. I can't think of any better candidate than an unborn child. So do I believe in personal rights? Yes, I do. I believe in each baby's right to live, and I think that right trumps any woman's right to make her life more convenient.

So you're not financially-stable, emotionally-together, or in a committed relationship--isn't it better to terminate the unwanted pregnancy? I mean, why bring a child into such a terrible environment?

Because there are other options. There are so many couples in the world who can't conceive; who have tried and tried, and can't; who are stable, loving, and committed, and who would give that baby a wonderful life. You don't have to kill a baby--you can put him/her up for adoption.

Or, (and this is pretty radical), perhaps as the baby grows in your belly, and as you feel it moving and jumping and kicking, you might fall in love with him, you might realize what a blessing it is to be able to conceive and decide that you want to keep him. And by keeping him you might find your life transformed in wonderful ways--ways that weren't a part of your "plan". Can you imagine a life better than what you've planned for yourself?

I can tell you that it can happen, will happen, if you're willing to take the leap of faith. I've experienced it with the arrival of each of my (unexpected) children. Had they come on my timeline, I wouldn't be nearly as fulfilled or happy with my life as I am now. They came when they were supposed to; and I give thanks to God for blessing me when God did.

So am I advocating for people to go out and play "Russian roulette" with their sex life? Of course NOT!!!

But I do think everyone should be forced to answer the question I'm asked regularly..."Don't you know where babies come from?" If you do, and you want them, do it! If you don't, don't.

As for me, yes, I do know where babies come from--I'm going to do it! :) And if I'm blessed to conceive again, I will give thanks for another great gift from God...because that what children are--gifts to be cherished and adored.

Would that all women would approach life in this way. And would that well-wishers would realize that letting God be in control of one's life is the MOST RESPONSIBLE thing one could do....

Silent No More

They say that silence is consent--meaning that if one does not speak up or speak out about the events happening in one's life, then one is in agreement with those events or ideas or opinions.

I have long sat silent as I watched different social scenarios unfold. I was silent for a majority of the time because I was still formulating my own opinions about those issues--I wasn't quite sure where I stood, and therefore, didn't want to opine until I did.

I've also sat silent because of fear--fear of rejection, fear of retaliation by those who didn't agree with me, fear of being labeled, fear of sounding stupid.

As I write these words I still have those fears. I've watched many friends and loved ones attacked by people who cared more about "being right" than being in relationship. I've watched on the news as people have been verbally and physically abused by members of the opposition--and sometimes over the most seemingly insignificant details, too.

I've sat in the shadows. Watching. Waiting. Wondering when it would be my time to speak out.

I believe that time is now. And that is why I have authored this blog. Here I hope to express my views of some of the major issues of the day. I write not to slander. I write not to ridicule. I write not to injure.

I am writing because I don't agree with everything that is happening around me. I don't agree with things that are said in my presence or presumed about me because of who I am or where I am from. And I'm tired of my silence being considered consent.

And so I have decided to be silent no more.

For those of you who read this blog, I encourage you to post responses--even those that directly differ from my own opinions. I truly believe that through mutual discourse and discernment we will find the truth--and by being in communication and in relationship--we will arrive at that truth together.

And so I invite all to write what you really think, what you really feel. Agree with me. Disagree. (I like a challenge.) Just make your voice heard.

It's time to come out of the darkness. It's time to come out of the shadows. It's time to break the silence.